Being a mother is a journey of love, challenges, growth, and learning. But for me, it’s been a journey of navigating through complex layers of my own issues ADHD, CPTSD, and childhood trauma. Each of these aspects of my life has shaped how I parent, how I interact with my children, and how I manage the delicate balance between caring for my family and taking care of myself. It’s been a rollercoaster, but one that has taught me profound lessons about resilience, self-compassion, and the power of vulnerability.

ADHD: A Constant Game of Attention Tug-of-War
Living with ADHD as a mom means my attention is often being pulled in multiple directions at once. It’s as if I’m trying to juggle a dozen balls in the air, while my mind darts between thoughts, tasks, and worries. Whether I’m trying to keep track of my children’s school schedules, remembering to make doctor appointments, or simply managing day-to-day chores, it feels like there’s never enough mental space to focus on everything at once.

This can lead to moments where I forget something important, like an appointment or a special event in my child’s life. It’s not because I don’t care—on the contrary, I care deeply. It’s just that my brain works differently. I can be hyper-focused on one task, only to be distracted by another. The constant shifting makes it hard to stick to a plan, and I often end up feeling guilty for not being the “perfect” mom that society tells us we should be. I have found ways around this. My main problem solver is that when a date is made for anything, appointments, school events, or sporting events, I automatically put in the calendar on my phone. It is a life saver! Another way to work around my short comings is that I allow access to my calendar to certain members of my family so that they can help keep me on track when need be. This has not 100% solved everything. Sometimes I still forget about the book fair or forget to bring an item to a picnic, but it has helped at least for the important things that I can’t just solve by going to the bank and picking up some money or running to the store close by to get some forks.

ADHD also affects how I manage my emotions. I can become easily overwhelmed or frustrated when things don’t go as planned. The emotional highs and lows can feel intense, and sometimes I struggle with calming myself down. As a mom, I want to be a steady, reassuring presence for my kids, but ADHD sometimes means I need to take extra steps to regulate my emotions and be present with my children, especially when they need me most. I have gotten my children in a habit of regulating with me. I will tell them Mommy needs to calm down will you help? They will sit with me snuggled up while we close our eyes and count all the things that make us happy. It’s almost like a game to them, but it is a tool for me and a tool they are learning as well.

CPTSD: A Shadow That Never Fully Leaves
Living with CPTSD means that certain situations can trigger memories and feelings from past trauma, even when everything seems fine on the surface. It’s not something I talk about often, but it has a profound impact on my ability to parent in ways I didn’t expect. The smallest thing—a loud noise, an unexpected touch, or even a stressful situation—can send me spiraling back to moments of fear and helplessness from my past.

As a mother, I often find myself second-guessing my reactions. My PTSD can make me hyper vigilant, always on edge, and constantly worried that something bad is going to happen to my children. I try my best to shield them from my anxiety, but sometimes it’s a delicate dance of balancing my own fears with the need to show them calm and love. This can affect how I respond when my children act out or get hurt—I might overreact, or in contrast, withdraw emotionally, retreating into myself because I don’t have the emotional bandwidth to deal with the situation at hand. I am constantly worried about the people they are around. Practically looking for clues of possible issues that may arise from every situation. It is the reason for some of my rules for them. Why I don’t let them go on sleep overs. Why I tell them we don’t have secrets. Why they are allowed to say no to anything that makes them uncomfortable and they should come tell me right away. I might over react sometimes. It wouldn’t be the first time I fell into a panic because they fell, and my brain tried to somehow make it my fault. Even though the rational part of me knows that you have to give kids room to experience consequences. But in the end they know I am there. When they have told me something I always stand up for them, and I have found that them being with me tends to keep me grounded. I have never stood up for them by having a yelling match. I have always been calm, and according to them it makes it even more terrifying.

There are also moments where I feel disconnected, as though I’m walking through life with a fog over my eyes. When my PTSD symptoms flare up, it can feel like I’m physically present but emotionally distant. This emotional detachment can make me feel like I’m failing as a mom, when in reality, I’m just managing a deep, invisible pain that I’m still learning to heal from. I can go from feeling too much to nothing at all, and it can be concerning. It has never seemed to effect the children in a bad way. They just seem to know that when my voice become more monotone I need some room to breathe.

Childhood Trauma: Healing and Parenting Simultaneously
Growing up with trauma leaves scars that, despite healing over time, can continue to influence my ability to parent. The things I experienced in childhood—the neglect, the emotional pain, the sense of being unheard—are part of who I am, and they shape how I interact with my own kids. There are moments when I struggle with knowing how to set healthy boundaries or how to nurture my children in the way they need, because I didn’t always receive that kind of care myself. At worse my childhood consisted of abuse by one parent, while the other felt so vulnerable that I felt I needed to protect her. It was a constant back and forth of trying to say what was happening by sugar coating it so it didn’t sound so painful, and in the end I felt unheard and lost. I strive to always hear my kids now. I ask questions and follow up questions if I want to make sure I am understanding them. I want to protect them and nurture them, and always make sure they are heard. Sometimes they don’t even know what they want to say, so I tell them to give it some time. Think on your words, and come back to me when you feel you can explain it better.

Sometimes, I find myself overcompensating for my past by trying too hard to be the “perfect” parent. I want to give my children everything I didn’t have, but in doing so, I risk overburdening myself, stretching my energy too thin. . It means I often try to plan fun outings even when I feel like I need a day of rest. It means I might give in to the toy they say they want or the sweet treat they crave even when I am short on funds. It’s a reminder that I need to take care of myself in order to be the best mom I can be—not just for them, but for me as well

Childhood trauma can also make it difficult to understand and manage my emotions in a healthy way. There are times when I unintentionally pass on unhealthy coping mechanisms to my children because I haven’t yet learned how to manage my own triggers. Recognizing this has been a huge part of my growth as a mother. Understanding that I am not defined by my past, but that I must face my own healing, allows me to be more present and compassionate in my role as a mom. So, knowing this I said what better way than to change together. It is so much easier to get into a healthy habit when you are not doing it alone. I set a timer on my phone and every day we practice a new healthy way to cope. We try yoga. We do art. We do some funny dances. We count and breathe. It’s both bonding time and practice for when we all feel overwhelmed.

The Power of Self-Compassion and Growth
Parenting with ADHD, CPTSD, and childhood trauma is undeniably challenging, but it has also taught me the importance of self-compassion. I have to remind myself daily that it’s okay to not have it all together. There are days when I struggle to keep up, days when I lose my temper, and days when I feel like I’ve failed as a mom. But each of these moments is part of my journey—my story.

One thing I’ve learned is that my children don’t need a perfect mom. They need a mom who shows up, who tries her best, and who loves them with all her heart. My imperfections and vulnerabilities don’t make me less of a mother. In fact, they make me more real, and they give me the opportunity to teach my children about resilience, self-acceptance, and the importance of seeking help when we need it.

As I continue on this journey, I know there will be more challenges ahead. But I also know that I am stronger than I once believed. Through ADHD, CPTSD, and childhood trauma, I’ve come to understand that healing is not linear, and motherhood doesn’t require perfection—it requires presence, love, and the willingness to keep trying. And for my children I will ALWAYS keep trying.